just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
