I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Actions speak louder than pants.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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