i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
