I just made out with a guy for $7.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
