4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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