spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
