I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
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When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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