I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
