I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
