how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
