were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
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i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize