Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
