pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm sobbing to NWA
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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