An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
