True but thats because hes a fetus.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Randomize
