Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
