Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
