Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
MIDGETS
????
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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