Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
