And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
