Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
