Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
