i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Found your dick twin last night
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
