Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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