he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
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we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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