if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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