I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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