I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
