I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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