I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
