...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
