remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
