singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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