Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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