need another drink. this is the easiest way
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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