Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
