I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
