dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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