I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
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He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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