my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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