You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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