remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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