I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
