I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
