I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
