please come you make the beer taste better
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
