having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
