You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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