I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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