my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
