Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
