My room smells like vodka and shame
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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