saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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