i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
