Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
