god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
