I think i peed on brittanys purse
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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