he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
