i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
