I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
