Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
